Archive for April, 2008

3-on-3, 5-on-5 and 4-on-4

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

In Game 1, there was a collision between Denver’s Dan “The Tick” Soder and Dan “Mr. Burns from The Simpsons” Allen. Allen’s elbow is slightly fucked up but he might be able to play this Sunday.

Fisch and List were confused at Comix when they heard Allen’s joke, “I only attract girls who find Skeletor sexy.” Fisch and List agreed that Skeletor isn’t a logical choice because although he is a “skeleton”. He’s more muscular than Allen will ever hope to achieve.

The day started with a 3-on-3 tournament.

Game 1
Aldous, Bergman and Allen beat McCarthy, Hirshon and Soder (16-8). Bargatze, Shaki and List beat local Astorians Jason, Ronnie and Nick.

Game 2
Aldous, Bergman and Allen beat Jason, Ronnie and Nick (15-7). McCarthy turned on the heat and scored 14 points to help his teammates Hirshon and Soder beat Bargatze, List and Shaki (16-4).

The games then morphed into 5-on-5 full court.

Game 3
Aldous, Bergman, Allen, McCarthy and Nick won (19-12)

Game 4
Aldous, Bergman, Allen, McCarthy and Nick won again (19-12)

The games then became 4-on-4 half-court.

Game 5
Hirshon, List, Bargatze and a local Astorian won (16-13). (Note: Possible Vanderbilt graduate Bargatze modestly claims he scored 14 of those 16 points.)

Game 6
???????

Game 7
Aldous, Berman, Allen and McCarthy came back and won the final game (19-12)

Posted in Brad Aldous, Dan Allen, Dan Hirshon, Dan Shaki, Dan Soder, Joe List, Matt Bergman, Moody McCarthy, Nate Bargatze | 3 Comments »

World Record 209 three pointers in a row by 60 year old man

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Posted in Dan Allen | 1 Comment »

Great Battles

Sunday, April 20th, 2008

Potter, Allen, O’Reilly, and Julio was the team to beat with three consecutive wins. Potter’s threes, Allen’s defense, O’Reilly’s passing and Julio** being there for the pass. Allen (still donning his magical Rodham Spurs jersey) was a whirlwind of arms today. He delivered a dozen demoralizing blocks to Esquire, Collins, Swan, Collins and Bobby. Unfortunately, Allen was only able to get his fingertips on Cerulli’s shots but redeemed himself while guarding Bobby and Esquire. ABA officials are investigating the footage to see if Bobby and Esquire weren’t throwing the games and telling Allen when they were going to shoot due to the unnatural awesomeness of the blocks. They almost appeared rehearsed. Cerulli, Collins, Swan, and Esquire finally stopped the Dream Team’s quest for the coveted seven consecutive wins in Game 5. 

INJURIES:
None

ARGUMENTS:
There was a slight verbal altercation between Collins and O’Reilly. Collins felt O’Reilly retaliated with a foul for a previous play. He then said sternly , “If I foul you, call it. Don’t do that ever again. I’m saying this out loud so everyone hears me that I warned him.” The warning had the same tone of Joe Piscopo’s character Danny Vermin’s line in Johnny Dangerously: “You shouldn’t hit me in the balls like that, lady. My sister hit me in the balls once.” Fortunately, everyone’s tempers stabilized and no blows were thrown.

Allen pulled Collins aside after the game and told Collins he reacted hot-headed-ly like Rafael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He encouraged him to “cool his jets” and to strive to be more like Leonardo. Collins responded, “Fuck off, nerd.”

.

**Julio was irked that their was a (?) next to his name for MVP. He officially earned the title today.

Game 1
Cerulli, Collins, Swan, Bobby beats Potter, Allen, O’Reilly, Julio (19-11)

Game 2
Potter, Allen, O’Reilly, Julio beats Cerulli, Collins, Swan, Bobby (19-13)

Game 3
Potter, Allen, O’Reilly, Julio slaughter Cerulli, Collins, Swan, Esquire (21-5)

Game 4
Potter, Allen, O’Reilly, Julio beats Cerulli, Bobby, Swan, Esquire (19-10)

Game 5
Cerulli, Collins, Swan, Esquire barely beat Potter, Allen, O’Reilly, Julio (20-17)

Game 6
Cerulli, Collins, Swan, Esquire beat Potter, Allen, O’Reilly, Bobby (19-12)

Game 7
Potter, Allen, O’Reilly, Bobby beats Cerulli, Collins, Julio, Esquire (19-11)

 

Posted in Bobby, Dan Allen, Esquire, Jeff Cerelli, Julio (Comedy Cellar), Rob O'Reilly, Seymour Swan, Wali Collins | 2 Comments »

13 Blowouts Games (180-79) and Stats

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

 

It was day of slaughter or be slaughtered. Each team had an Achilles Heel that was only vulnerable to certain teams. Think Mega-Man (circa 1990):

Each team could be represented by a Robot Master.

Fire Man: Bergman, Moody, Nick, Allen
Strength: Three-point ability, rebounds, Moody’s left hand
Weakness: 2 out 40 three point attempts

Ice Man: Aldous, Kareman, Bargatze, List
Strength: Aldous’ tenacity, Bargatze’s fade-away, List’s perimeter shot, Kareman’s defense
Weakness: Lack of three point shooting, Joe “Pukey McGee” List (see Boulger)

Bomb Man: Fisch, Hirshon, Boulger, Jason
Strength: Fisch’s spaz power, Hirshon’s uncanny ability to ride Fisch’s coat tail, Boulger’s penetration
Weakness: Fisch’s sweat, Jason’s inability to pass, Boulger staying out late with List

PLAY OF THE DAY:
Allen’s profile three point shot.

MVP:
Julio (????)

NO INJURIES

GAME 1
Bergman, Moody, Nick, Allen (15-13)
Fisch, Jason, Boulger and Hirshon 

GAME 2
Aldous, Kareman, Bargatze, List (15-6)
Bergman, Moody, Nick, Allen 

GAME 3
Bergman, Moody, Nick, Allen (15-3)
Aldous, Kareman, Bargatze, List 

GAME 4
Bergman, Moody, Nick, Allen (15-2)
Fisch, List, Boulger, Hirshon 

GAME 5
Aldous, Kareman, Bargatze, List (15-2)
Bergman, Moody, Nick, Allen 

GAME 6
Fisch, Hirshon, Boulger, Jason (15-10)
Aldous, Kareman, Bargatze, List 

GAME 7
Aldous, Kareman, Bargatze, List (15-5)
Fisch, Hirshon, Boulger, Jason 

GAME 8
Aldous, Kareman, Bargatze, List  (15-9)
Bergman, Moody, Boulger, Allen

GAME 9
Julio, Hirshon, Fisch, Jason (15-8)
Aldous, Kareman, Bargatze, List 

GAME 10
Julio, Hirshon, Fisch, Jason (15-9)
Bergman, Moody, Boulger, Allen 

GAME 11
Julio, Hirshon, Fisch, Jason (15-10)
Boulger, Kareman, Bargatze, List 

FINAL GAME
Julio, Hirshon, Fisch, Jason  (15-2)
Bergman, Kareman, Boulger, Allen

No one knows what Hirshon is smiling at.

 
 

Posted in Brad Aldous, Dan Allen, Dan Boulger, Dan Hirshon, George Kareman, Jason (Astoria local), Joe List, Jon Fisch, Julio (Comedy Cellar), Matt Bergman, Moody McCarthy, Nate Bargatze, Nick (Astoria civilian) | 2 Comments »

Six Consecutive Wins

Sunday, April 6th, 2008

Sunday April 6th, 2008

Great turn out today.

Comedians and people who pretend to be comedians:
Wali Collins
Dan Allen
Neil Potter
Seymour Swan
Luke Cunningham
Brian McGuiness
Jeff Cerelli
Willie Morales

Comedy-Related:
Julio
Troy

Original Sunday Crew:
Brian Wilson
Romel
Esquire
Nick “Anderson”

Non-Comedy (Civilians):
Vinny (Luke’s friend)
Jimmy (Luke’s friend)
Andy (Troy’s friend)
Corey

Miraculously, the games started on time. A total of eight full court games to 19 were played today. The first game was in the same spirit of UNC crushing Washington State 68-47 in this year’s Sweet Sixteen. Potter, Nick “Anderson”, Esquire, Cerelli and Allen easily looked like a first seed team. Their three point ability was unstoppable. If this was a live version of SNES NBA Jam, Cerelli would have been engulfed in flames and the announcer would have cried out, “He’s on fire!”

Sadly, that trip to the playoffs ended quickly in the second game just like the date-raping, probably racist Psycho T and his Tar Heels did when they lost to Kansas in the Final Four.

The new team to beat was Cunningham, Seymour, Wilson, Corey and Willie.

They broke (or tied. The ABA staff reporters are review the archives now) new ground in ABA history. They won six consecutive games. They could have made a record and won seven in a row but two of the dynasty team members’ testicles atrophied in their body as they threw in the towel and said, “We’re tired.”

Allen and “Anderson” joined their team and won the final game of the day. Allen was overheard saying, “I didn’t realize I was on enemy’s team until halfway through. If I would have known in the beginning, I wouldn’t have played as hard.”

Uncharacteristically for ABA games, there were several arguments, especially in Game 6 (the fifth for the winning team). The score was 18-18. Both teams were extremely tired and had a minimum of six critical turnovers preventing a win. The court became gridlocked with face-to-face arguing over a disagreement of someone who was inside the line but threw it at an opposing player who was out-of-bounds.

Players-in-waiting started to create a fight bracket hoping to see some real punches. Cunningham was a first seed pick since he resembles the wrestler The Undertaker.



Even though McGuiness is also 6’6″ 225lbs, he was a fourth seed because he resembles Soda Popinski.

Oddly, tiny little Wilson (also known as “The Mormon”, “Yellow” or “11″) was a first seed due to his tenacity.

Fortunately (and unfortunately), no faces were punched and the game continued. There was one more awkward moment when Willie travelled and then was fouled by Esquire.

Other notes:
Allen appreciated Luke’s friend Vinnie for coming out and making him feel taller and validated by allowing Allen to deliver a handful of demoralizing blocks.

In a post game interview with Collins, he was appalled by his performance and said, “I can’t believe I only made one basket.”

MVP:
Tie between Willie and Wilson

Posted in Brian McGuiness, Brian Wilson, Dan Allen, Esquire, Jeff Cerelli, Luke Cunningham, Neil Potter, Nick "Anderson", Romel, Seymour Swan, Wali Collins, Willie Morales | 2 Comments »